as my "Hobbit Porn." I don't have any actual naked photos of any of them, but I do have a pic of Dom's butt. I've started to refer to my ever-expanding collection of photos of Elijah Wood, Sean Astin (Sam), Dominic Monaghan (Merry), et al. Boromir's death scene, with Aragorn lovingly holding him in his arms and kissing him goodbye, has got to be one of the more intensely homoerotic moments of recent cinema history. Alternatively, they go straight for the woofy, muscular, furry presence of Sean Bean's Boromir, the Orc pincushion who dies dramatically at the end of the first film while attempting to save Hobbit friends Merry and Pippin from certain sado-masochistic torture in the dungeons of evil wizard Saruman. They circle around winsome, doe-eyed Elijah Wood and his twinkie portrayal of Frodo Baggins (never mind that Frodo is 50 years old in the novel). The queer guys in my social circle have tended to go one of two ways in their lustful thinking. They are certainly stunning in an archetypal, goddess-in-every-woman way, but I get the feeling that most of the straight guys out there probably care more about the battle scenes than the babes in this particular flick. Not knowing many straight guys, I couldn't tell you how they feel about Liv Tyler's Arwen or Cate Blanchett's elven goddess Galadriel. Elf warrior and blonde beauty Legolas, played by Orlando Bloom, seems to be the biggest hit with the pre-teen girls, while many older women I know lust after Viggo Mortenson, the studly Strider and eponymous King of the final film. Tolkien himself was certainly never a sex symbol, but the film version of his signature work has catapulted many of his characters out of the geek-boy fantasy/ sci-fi realm and into an entirely different kind of fantasy. The trilogy has even claimed the superlative "Book of the Century" in one British poll. The films have rejuvenated sales of the original novel, returning its constituent volumes The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers and The Return of the King to the New York Times best-seller list. Many are predicting that this is the year Rings will finally win the Best Picture Oscar it's already picked up both Best Dramatic Film and Best Director Golden Globe Awards.Īll three films in the trilogy, based on Tolkien's 1000-plus-page epic, are now solidly ensconced in the top-10 cinematic money-makers ever, and they've garnered heaps of critical praise as well. The Lord of the Rings is, in fact, the most nominated film series of all time, its 31 beating out The Godfather series (28) and Star Wars (21). This follows on 20 Oscar nominations and six wins for the first two films, The Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers, though neither won for Best Picture. Peter Jackson's ultimate film of the novel, The Return of the King, is the most-nominated movie this year, with 11 nods including Best Picture and Best Director. That question is probably second only to the perennial "Did that hurt?"Īs this month's Academy Awards ceremony will surely demonstrate, I am not alone in my Hobbity habits. It's not, but it might as well be for the number of times I've been asked about it. I'm constantly asked whether my full-torso dragon tattoo is a representation of Smaug, the ferocious fire-breather Bilbo Baggins faces in The Hobbit. Now, I haven't gone so far as to have the Black Speech of Mordor tattooed around my bicep, but some people have pointed out that my Green Man tattoo is suspiciously similar to a certain talking tree. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I'm definitely down with the Hobbit dietary plan of six meals a day, including second breakfast. When I was a young Hobbit lad, I checked my feet regularly for signs of impending furriness. I celebrate Frodo and Bilbo's birthday on September 22. I compulsively read film news online, and whenever I pass by Borders I have to stop in and check out the movie magazines, as well as the fantasy/sci-fi section, to see if any new nuggets have arrived. In fact, I could use an intervention - a 12-step program, perhaps. I admit it: I have an obsession with The Lord of the Rings, both in book form and in film adaptation. I recently saw a T-shirt for sale on some random website bearing the slogan "Pervy Hobbit Fancier." When I went back to buy it, it was no longer on sale, and I can't help but think that perhaps the Tolkien estate didn't approve of such language. He's like that, and sometimes it shines through somehow. Frodo's face was peaceful, the marks of fear and care had left it Not that Sam Gamgee put it that way himself, he shook his head, as if finding words useless, and murmured: "I love him. Then as he kept watch Sam had noticed that at times a light seemed to be shining faintly within but now the light was even clearer and stronger.
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